Couples coaching, online
The fight was never really about the dishes.
You've read the books. You know the lingo. And you're still stuck in the same argument you were having a year ago. That's because the problem lives somewhere the books don't reach: in what the two of you secretly believe about each other.
No form vanishing into a void. You write, I read it myself, and I reply within two business days.
Aaron Platt is a couples coach who works online with people all over the US. He trained as a therapist (a master's in counseling from La Salle University, a master's in sociology from UC Berkeley, and an 18-month clinical internship in Philadelphia) and now coaches couples using an approach he wrote about called The Unforgiven Self. Sessions are $200, and most couples do a set of 12.
If this sounds familiar
The tools were fine. You're worn out from using them.
By the time people reach me, they've usually done all the right things: read the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe sat through months of counseling. They can feel the same argument starting and still not be able to stop it. If that's you, nothing is wrong with how hard you've tried. You were just working on the wrong layer. The books teach skills, and the stuck part of a marriage is almost never a skills problem.
Here's the layer underneath. Each of you has some part of yourself you've never really made peace with, some trait you were taught was a flaw. And you married the person who has that exact trait out in the open. So without meaning to, you each keep treating the other like they're guilty of something. The fights are what that looks like from the outside. No communication trick works while that's still going on, because you're not really arguing. You're each quietly putting the other on trial.
Three things you'll see early on
Simple ideas that change how the fights look
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What you can't stand in them is often about you.
The thing that drives you craziest about your partner usually points straight at something you can't accept in yourself.
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It's not actually about you.
When your partner pulls away, that's about how they handle their own fears. It isn't a scorecard on whether you're lovable, even though it feels exactly like one.
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Accusing someone slowly makes it come true.
The more you treat your partner as cold, the more they shut down, which looks like proof. You end up creating the very thing you're complaining about.
Who you'd be working with
I trained as a therapist and work as a coach, and I'm upfront about the difference.
My background is clinical. I have a master's in counseling, a master's in sociology, and an 18-month internship at a psychotherapy center in Philadelphia. The tradition I trained in pays attention to how a person is put together, the habits and defenses they've built, and what those defenses are protecting.
With clients in the US, I work as a coach, and I say that plainly. The work is focused and practical, it's about what's happening now, and I'm honest about what it can and can't do. If what you really need is a licensed therapist, I'll tell you and help you find one. Here's the honest breakdown: coaching vs therapy. And more about me is on the about page.
What starting looks like
Three simple steps, then a clear plan
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Write to me.
A short private note about what's going on. Three quick steps, and you only give your contact info at the end.
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We talk.
A free 15-minute video call. I'll tell you straight whether this is a good fit, including if it isn't.
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We start.
Twelve sessions over about three months, with a clear plan for what we're doing and why at each stage.
Where people usually start
Find the one that sounds like your situation
- Therapy didn’t fix it
You went to counseling. You read the books. The same fight is still here.
Read more → - After an affair
It broke more than trust. It made you doubt everything you thought was real.
Read more → - Trying to decide whether to stay
You shouldn’t have to make the biggest call of your life in the middle of a fight.
Read more → - You’re the only one willing
Your partner won’t come in. You can still start on your own.
Read more → - One of you is "the hard one"
Most advice assumes two calm, reasonable people. That’s not what your house feels like.
Read more → - The sex has dried up
It’s not that you stopped being attracted. It stopped feeling safe to want each other.
Read more → - You can't debug your way out
You found the root cause, ran the retros, optimized the process. The same fight keeps happening.
Read more → - Two cultures, one kitchen
Two whole rulebooks for what love, money, and family are supposed to look like.
Read more →
Being honest with you
This isn't right for every couple
Not every problem is a difference you learn to live with. Some things simply need to stop. If there's violence, threats, or someone controlling where you go, who you see, or your money, then safety comes first, and I'll say so and point you to the right help. And sometimes the honest answer is that two people, even after really understanding each other, still shouldn't stay together. I'd rather tell you the truth than sell you a rescue.
The usual questions
What people ask before they start
Is this therapy?
No. I trained as a therapist, but I work as a coach, and that difference is real: I don’t diagnose or treat mental health conditions, and this isn’t a replacement for seeing a licensed therapist. What I do is help the two of you work on the fight that keeps coming back. If it turns out you need therapy instead, I’ll tell you, and I’ll help you find someone. There’s a fuller answer here: coaching vs therapy.
What does it cost?
Each session is $200. Most couples do a set of 12 sessions for $2,400, which you can pay all at once or split into three payments. If you’re mainly trying to decide whether to stay together, there’s a shorter 5-session version for $1,100. I don’t take insurance, on purpose, so nothing about your relationship ends up in a medical file. Full details are on the how it works page.
My partner thinks this is pointless. Can we still start?
Usually, yes. Being skeptical is fine. Flat-out refusing to show up is the only real dealbreaker. Write to me and tell me honestly where your partner stands. Sometimes the best place to start is the shorter stay-or-go work, which is built for when one of you is more on board than the other. And if your partner won’t come at all, you can come on your own.
We already tried couples therapy. How is this different?
Most couples therapy and most relationship books teach you how to talk to each other better. That’s useful, and it’s probably not where you’re stuck. What I work on is the thing underneath the talking: the harsh conclusion each of you has reached about the other. As long as that’s running, better communication just gives you nicer-sounding versions of the same fight. So we start there instead.